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OK, show of hands. Who wanted to scream "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” at Dr. Meredith Whiny-Pants Grey during tonight’s premiere of Grey’s Anatomy?

Wow. That's a lot of you. (You can put your hand down, Patrick Dempsey.)

Thankfully, Cristina (Sandra Oh) did the honors in a scene that pretty much stole the two-hour episode (don't read any further until you've seen it)—well, along with the intro of her new love interest Major Hottie, who so lived up to his name.

So, what really went down and what’s the latest exclusive scoop on Alex (Justin Chambers) and Izzie (Katherine Heigl)?

You can only find it here ...

ABC/BOB D'AMICO, ABC/SCOTT GARFIELD

CURRENT SYMPTOMS

A Major Case of the Hotties: Anyone else foaming at the mouth during those scenes with Cristina Yang’s hot-as-fire new love interest, Kevin McKidd? What’s that? You don’t have rabies? Well, fine, but something tells me there may have been a little more saliva wandering around your oral cavity.

Sure, the facial hair takes a little getting used to, but I for one am digging the raw, rugged, and so-not-pretty new flavor at Seattle Grace. (Pooh-pooh to the McMen who don’t have real-life McNames!) You? (And psst...Keep reading for a hint on his future.)

Hot Flashes, Then Chills: I know we’re supposed to feel for Alex given everything he’s been through, but his whiplash-inducing hot-cold nature toward Izzie is a bit nauseating, isn’t it? I really wish the writers would just pull these two in one direction or the other, and oh, hey! Look down there in the Diagnosis section—we have some amazing, definitive, exclusive scoop on Alex and Izzie’s fate! (Read only if you want to know.)

Incredible Non-Melty Icicles! Grey’s has never been known for its realism, but I’m sorry, I had to laugh out loud at that renegade icicle piercing Christina’s gut (I hate it when that happens!) followed by a long scene in the O.R. where they debate what to do with it, in which the icicle…wait for it…does not melt. Cue the scientists: This technology could cure global warming.

The Gaying of Grey's: First the writers plan two seasons ago to make Cristina’s character bisexual (a plan foiled by some loudmouth scoop hound whose name may or may rhyme with Shristin), then they start the current “exploration” storyline with Callie and Hahn, and now comes the news that Melissa George (last seen intentionally pissing off Alias fans) is coming on to play a bisexual character who may do a tonsil tango or two with Callie and/or Hahn. This can only be leading up to a makeout scene between Steamy and Dreamy in season nine, and this makes me happy. But how do you feel about Callie and Hahn and the new girl coming on board?

ABC

PROGNOSIS: Read Only If You Want to Know

"It's On!" This is what sources very close to the show tell me regarding the couple many of you have been waiting to see since season one: Alex and Izzie. I’m told it’s definitely happening this season and will be a major storyline—most likely, I'm guessing, that "huge love story" Shonda Rhimes promised for Heigl. So…I’m dying to know, what do you think? Comment below, pretty please!

Major Hope: Something tells me we haven’t seen the last of Kevin McKidd,  aka the army doctor who planted one on Cristina. And I for one will be tuning in each and every week to eagerly await his return...with a drool bucket standing by.

McMansion: I’m told their dream house is still in the works, so don’t give up on Meredith and Derek just yet. She may stop whining and learn to embrace her happily ever after, after all! If not, I say we give Cristina that magic icicle with permission to employ it as a weapon.

Your thoughts? Spill ‘em!