Morning Piss: Jacko's 5-0, Jess Talks Romo
Getty Images, James Devaney / Getty Images
Like a hideous Steven Spielberg-created creature, it’s here! A 50-year-old Michael Jackson now occupies precious space on our ever-endangered planet. Are little boys safe? Guess I’ll leave that to the preposterously celeb-ass-kissing West Coast courts to decide.
On better and second hunch, let’s not. Let’s not forget the depositions which contain harrowing descriptions of acts no child could dream up, no matter how much their parents might have been dreaming of green. Happy B-day and no more, we say, Jacko.
And on lighter (and blonder) but perhaps also fake happenings, Jessica Simpson is yapping away to the press Michael Lohan-style about her relaysh with Tony Romo, calling him “the love of my life.” Nicer things than Daddy Lo & Co. have been swapping back and forth, but just as stupid.
Hasn’t J-babe learned anything from the last time the two parted ways, right after a similar media cupid spilling? Learn a thing from Ashlee about keeping coy, huh? We’re on your side, hon, we like ya happy.
—Additional English-screwin’ reporting by Becky Bain.
Truth, Lies & Ted
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 26
Ted gives thanks for Mariah and Nick's matrimony, Madonna's marriage meltdown, Obama's victory and more!
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 20
Is Nicole and Keith's romance really a fairytale? Does Katie Holmes keep in touch with her ex? Get the gossipy scoop.
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 13
What's "Twilight" hottie Rob Pattinson's audition tradition? Is Hef charging his "Girls" rent? Get Ted's hot scoop!
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 6
Who's talking trash about Jake Gyllenhaal? Is Joaquin Phoenix pulling a publicity stunt? Plus, Groban gets desperate, more.
Tell Ted All About It
Got a hot tip or bitch? Share it, and you might see it here!
Get Your E! News Now
Awful Truth Archives
Click Here to check out The Awful Truth Archive.
Truth, Lies & Ted
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 26
Ted gives thanks for Mariah and Nick's matrimony, Madonna's marriage meltdown, Obama's victory and more!
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 20
Is Nicole and Keith's romance really a fairytale? Does Katie Holmes keep in touch with her ex? Get the gossipy scoop.
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 13
What's "Twilight" hottie Rob Pattinson's audition tradition? Is Hef charging his "Girls" rent? Get Ted's hot scoop!
-
Truth, Lies & Ted, Nov. 6
Who's talking trash about Jake Gyllenhaal? Is Joaquin Phoenix pulling a publicity stunt? Plus, Groban gets desperate, more.
8 Comments
-
Show the next 1 - 0 of 8 comments
Now loading...