Welcome to National Nice Guy Weekend. And the nice guys are squaring off. In this corner—and in no less than 4,000 theaters—we celebrate the return of Shrek. And in that corner—in only 17 theaters—Luke Wilson stars as the sweetest ex-con you ever did know in The Wendell Baker Story. Isn’t that the problem with movies in America? I mean, the green giant and the youngest Wilson are equally likable. Yet one gets to strut his stuff in approximately 250 times as many theaters as the other. I had to whip out the Mac calculator widget for that stat. Anyway, at least they’re both nice, right?

Dreamworks SKG

Shrek the Third:  Like they even need Justin Timberlake involved to get families on board for the third Shrek flick. They could have the unfamous guy from 98 Degrees and showings would still sell out. Now then, here’s what gets me about Shrek. He’s sooo adorable and lovable. It’s as if they built some machine that measures likability and out came Shrek. And I’m liking Paramount too; Shrek is only an hour and 21 minutes long. Woo! Imagine what it will be like to leave a movie wanting more time with the cast. Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy and Mike Myers, you should all go chill out. The trailer looks great—especially that part with the princesses tearing into their gowns—and man, I know I’m game for an escape to Far, Far Away.

ThinkFilms

The Wendell Baker Story:  Do you like eggplant? I do. Some people just loathe eggplant. When you order it, they gasp as if you're requesting fried kittens. Wendell is potent, kinda like eggplant. So, do me a favor: Don’t be reading the reviews, you have to see it for yourself. Yeah, it’s been floating around for a long time. Yeah, Luke codirected with his brother Andrew Wilson. Personally, I'm thrilled it finally found a distributor. It’s just the kind of movie that Hollywood gave up on. Guy (Luke Wilson) is a con artist and a man-boy. He’s got a game partner in noble crime (Jacob Vargas). He’s got a sweetheart (Eva Mendes) and a great scam making fake IDs for immigrants. Then he gets caught, loses it all and heads to prison, where he totally thrives. The prison sequence is absolutely hysterical—a great warm-up for the mid chunk of the movie when Wendell goes to work at a retirement home. Okay, I’m totally reviewing it, and I don’t mean to be. But that’s a really good sign. Trust me. Scratch that. Don’t trust me. Just go hunt down a theater. Oh, and can I just say that Owen Wilson is in top form and Seymour Cassel, oh man, I miss you so much that I have to go watch Stuck on You immediately and—BEEEP. I'm finished. I swear.

Magnolia Pictures

Fay Grim:  Hal Hartley is also like eggplant. He won me over with Amateur. But he won over most people with Henry Fool. And now, 10 years later, the sequel is finally, at long last, hallelujah, here! This movie is all Parker Posey. She plays the title character, who gets caught in an international espionage scandal too intricate and downright Hartley in its twistiness to explain. Think Bourne Identity for people with a really long attention span. Whether carrying groceries or evading gunshots, Posey does this ‘40s, noirish acting thing that’s fascinating. Jeff Goldblum is in rare form. And superhuge hooray: Leo Fitzpatrick, who needs to pleeease do more movies, is in it, too. Bottom line: If you feel dumbed down and bored with movies of late, Fay could do the trick.

Summit Entertainment/Samson Films

Once:  High alert! Sound the alarms! As of now, this Irish musical (but not a musical in that Chicago way) is scoring 100 percent positive on Rotten Tomatoes. Hats off to the cast, Glen Hansard, his band the Frames and Markéta Irglová—and the crew. No, not just because they wowed critics, but because this movie is just such a total, complete risk.  Remember the guitar playing and singing in There's Something About Mary? It was whimsical but right on, dreamy but downright gritty. And it so easily could have not worked. Well, director John Carney made a movie that’s pretty much a guy wandering the streets of Dublin and singing. A girl notices him, and on it goes. But it goes somewhere so interesting, somewhere stunning and unpredictable. Somewhere you want to go, if ya catch my drift.

Yari Film Group

Even Money:  Break out the Limoncello and start sucking it back. At least, that’s what you should do if you’re gonna go see Even Money. Of course it’s got bad buzz. All I can tell you is that Kim Basinger takes a go at being a magician’s assistant and the magician is none other than Danny DeVito. Also along for the ride is Ray Liotta. Oh man, do you just bet that it was all Limoncello all the time on the set? Me, too.

Magnolia Pictures

Severance:  The budget is low, the laughs are sick, the gross-out factor is high and the rich white guys are going down. Yep, this is the stuff that shot-in-Eastern-Europe comedies are made of. Okay, and I just have to share the IMDb key words: pie, cheese, marijuana, paintball, coach. Nope, that last one ain’t a reference to the Craig T. Nelson sitcom. So basically, three loathsome weapons makers go on one of those loathsome office excursions into nature and wind up getting attacked by psycho killers. I hear it’s fun, like Scream with suits. Oh, come on. You work hard. You’re allowed to gore it up.